Of course the ideal Celebrity Jungle contestants would be Tyson Fury, Donald Trump, Willie Frazer, Pastor McConnell, Senator David Norris, and for eye candy Katie Hopkins. I’m kidding about the eye candy!
That cast would send the wild animals running quicker than you could shout, “Noah’s Ark.”
You don’t know what any of those loose cannons are liable to say next. Oft-times their take on life is so outrageous as to be funny but also provocative enough to incite madmen, or indeed women, into action. Imagine putting that crew around the camp fire as the flames lick the billycan.
Mercifully few take Willie Frazer seriously and his utterances are usually greeted with mirth and a knowing nod and wink.
After all this is the man who turned up at a courtcase dressed as radical Muslim cleric Abu Hamza complete with a coat hanger to represent a hooked hand. Less funny in 2012 Frazer described St Patrick’s Primary School in Donaghamore as, “The junior headquarters of Sinn Féin/IRA youth” after mistaking an Italian flag at the school for an Irish tricolour, before asking, “I wonder do they also train the children in how to use weapons?”
Had the flag been the Irish tricolour it was still an outrageous comment and succour to those with a penchant for sectarian vandalism. His protest against refugees fleeing war at the City Hall last Saturday dragged only a few wet souls onto the street so Willie can be the jungle comedian.
Less funny however is billionaire fascist Donald Trump who has called for monitoring mosques and barring Muslims from entering the US. While anti-Muslim attacks were on the rise since the massacre at San Berardino, the Republican’s comments add petrol to the fire. Trump also said he would make Muslims register and carry ID cards, in the best tradition of Hitler forcing Jews in Germany to wear an identifying yellow star.
Following his crazed speech there has been a wave of anti-Muslim hatred including a pig’s head being thrown at a mosque in Philadelphia. Loyalists who spent years in jail remember how the late Ian Paisley whipped his followers into a frenzy and washed his hands after they turned words of hate to violence. “Nothing to do with me guvner.”
Half a million people have signed a petition to bar Trump from the UK but millions in America heartily endorse his views, no doubt many of them Irish or of Irish-American stock. Yip, the best place for Donald is the jungle.
Sun columnist Katie Hopkins would be great company for Donald in the Jungle. She rushed to give him support last week. Hardly surprising as in April she compared refugees fleeing from war to ‘cockroaches’, and wrote, “Rescue boats? I’d use gunships to stop illegal migrants. No, I don’t care. Show me pictures of coffins, show me bodies floating in water, play violins and show me skinny people looking sad. I still don’t care.” Katie got her wish; bless her.
This is the lady who once said, “Dementia sufferers should not be blocking beds. What is the point of life when you no longer know you are living it? Bang me over the head.” Yes please!
Recently crowned and uncrowned boxing champion Tyson Fury caused a furore when he lumped together paedophiles and homosexuals. Not content with being a homophobic, Batman also believes the best place for women is in the kitchen or on their backs. His words not mine! Too many bangs to the head perhaps.
These folk give Rants a bad name. There is nothing so scary as those who think they have the truth and are totally shut to any other outlook. There are people in lock-up wards rocking back and forward saying, “I’m right, I know I’m right.”
“From the place where we are right, flowers will never grow in the spring; the place where we are right is hard and trampled like a yard,” penned Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai.
Pastor McConnell has his truth too but we’ll see how that court case develops. For telling his flock the Islamic faith is “satanic” and a “doctrine spawned in hell” he got a date with the Magistrate. Meanwhile it’s the jungle for the Whitewell Metropolitan Tabernacle preacher.
Last week he found a strange bedfellow in Fr Patrick McCaffrey who offered his support. Ah what the heck, let’s put Fr Patrick in the jungle so the Pastor can share with him his views on the Catholic Church. We’ll call it the ‘Rumble in the Jungle.’
Feeling left out last week perhaps, Senator David Norris grabbed his own little bit of controversy when telling Today FM that those on social welfare shouldn’t be allowed to purchase alcohol. Oh dear, Ireland is still rearing them.
What wonderful entertainment it would be to watch that gang being eaten by bugs, covered in rats and having rhino dung poured over their heads while Ant and Dec giggle like little schoolgirls… and when the series is over, leave them all in the jungle!